Jokes
by Spotteh
Summary: A collection of jokes redid to fit the Titans. Teen for sexual innuendo and such dirty humor.


**1: Stupid knows stupid. **

Cyborg and Beast Boy are sitting in a bar, watching the news. The report shows a woman standing on the ledge, threatening to jump and kill herself.

Cyborg looks at Beast Boy and grins, "Hey, I'll bet you twenty dollars she jumps and dies. If she doesn't, I'll pay you Twenty."

The green hero thinks a minute, then nods. "Sure, it's a bet."

A little while later, the woman jumps off and dies. Beast Boy hands over twenty dollars to Cyborg, who begins to feel a little guilty. He hands the money back to his friend.

"I have to tell you, I already saw this- it's a repeat. I knew she would jump. Take your money back. " He explains.

"No, you keep it. You won it fair and square," the other says. "I saw the news earlier too."

"Then why did you take the bet?"

Beast Boy grins at the robot-man. "I didn't think she'd be stupid enough to jump again."

**2: Rats **

Washington DC has a problem- it's filled with rats. Though the government tries everything, they cannot get rid of the president puts out an add seeking help getting rid of the rodents. Beast Boy shows up at the White House and asks to see the president about his advertisement. He's taken immediately to the president.

"I can get rid of the rats for only five hundred dollars." He tells the man, "It will take a couple hours."

The president agrees and watches as he turns into a green rat and scurries away. As he travels, all the rats in the area follow him. He walks all the way to a deep river and walks into it, turning into a fish. The rats do as well and are instantly drowned- thus solving the problem.

He returns to the president, but refuses the money.

"Teen Titans help the world. Don't worry about it." Beast Boy turns to go, but the president stops him. He signals to lean closer, which the other does. In a low whisper, the president asks:

"What can you do about democrats?"

**3: Habits**

Robin, Beast Boy and Cyborg die in a battle and are sent to heaven. When they get there, Raven is waiting for them.

"I can revive you, if you wish, but there's a condition. You have to give up a habit in order to stay alive. Do you wish to return?"

They think a moment before all agreeing. Cyborg says he'll give up his urge to eat all the time. Robin says he'll stop thinking about money so much. Beast Boy decides to give up thinking about sex- which he did a lot. Raven agreed they were good habits to give up and sends them back. Not two minutes back, Cyborg sights a buffet and runs towards it, disappearing in a flash of light right when he stepped through the door. His money scattered when he disappeared and Robin bent down to pick up a dime. He and Beast Boy disappeared in a flash of light.

**4: Sarcasm**

Raven went to the doctor for a very sensitive problem- she hadn't shitted in a week. The doctor gave her some suppositories, telling her, "If these don't help in a week, come back to see me."

A week later she was back at the doctors.

"I don't know why they didn't work. I've been taking three a day, just like you said."

"Taking them?" The doctor asked surprised.

"What do you expect me to do," She sarcastically bit back, "shove them up my ass?"

**5: Loan**

A man, dressed in his best clothes and all, walks into the Chase Manhattan Bank and requests a 10,000 dollar loan for two weeks. The officer says it might be possible; all he needs is identification and credit references.

"I'm sorry, I don't have those." Replies the man and demands to see the higher-ups when the banker refuses. So it goes until he demands to see the head of all the banks, David Rockefeller. He explains the situation to Rockefeller.

"I don't have identification or references, but I can give you my motorcycle as collateral." He points to a very expensive looking motorcycle outside.

"Well, that sounds good to me. It looks expensive enough." Rockefeller says and grants him the loan.

One week later, the man returns and walks up to a banker. He tells him he wants to repay a $10,000.

"I have strict orders to bring you directly to Mr. Rockefeller as soon as you come in." And the banker leads him to Rockefeller's office. He pays the entire loan, plus $200 in interest, in cash. After, Rockefeller says: "Sir, I used your license to look up your name. You're Robin of the Teen Titans. You are rich. Why would you leave your motorcycle here in exchange for a $10,000 loan?"

"Where else," asks Robin, "would I find such a great parking spot so cheap?"

**6: Travels**

The Teen Titans take a vacation in London. They stop in front of a tall tower, which Raven watches.

"Raven," asks Beast Boy, "Is that the Tower of London you're looking at."

Drawn from her trance, she turned to the green hero.

"It's improper to end a sentence in a preposition. Rephrase it and I'll answer."

Beast Boy thinks a moment. "Is that the Tower of London you're looking at, Bitch?"

**7: Money**

Starfire and Robin were having money problems. They talked it over and the only idea they could come up with (that would work) was for Starfire to go and sell herself.

The next night she went out and came home early in the morning. Her clothes were wrinkled, her hair disheveled and her make-up smeared. Exhaustedly, she flopped down on a chair.

"You look like you've been through shit." Robin said.

"Oh, I have."

"How much did you make?" He asked, worried he put his wife through hell for nothing.

Proudly, she tells him, "one hundred, fifty dollars and twenty-five cents."

Angry, he asks, "Who's the cheap bastard that gave you twenty-five cents?"

"Oh, all of them."

**7: Snake-Bite**

Cyborg and Beast Boy went on a camping trip. In the middle of the night, Cyborg wakes up to his friend's screaming. He watches as a snake slithers away from the screaming boy.

"Help, Cyborg! That snake just bit my cock! Go call a doctor!"

The robot-man ran until he found a phone not too far off and called a doctor. After explaining the situation, the doctor told him what to do: "get a razor blade and make an X over the bite marks. Then, you'll need to suck out the venom or he'll die."

Cyborg ran back to the camp, panting as he skidded to a stop.

"Dude, what'd the doctor say?" Asked the worried boy.

He tells him: "You're gonna die."

**8: Clocks**

Raven had a near-death experience and was stuck in heaven until she could revive. She saw little clocks on the wall that moved erratically. As she stood there, trying to figure it out, an angel flew by.

"What are these clocks?"

"Oh," says the angel blushing, "the hands move every time someone masturbates."

With a devious chuckle, the Titan found all of her friend's clocks- except for Robins. When she asked the angel, he began to laugh.

"Robin's clock is kept in the office as a fan."

**9: Fitting Death**

Beast Boy had a problem- his more animalistic sides were in heat and he need sex. A lot of sex. So, he started fooling around with every animal he came across. After a week of this, Raven was annoyed. She pulled her teammate aside.

"Look, if you keep this up, you're going to die. You'll screw yourself to death." She warned him. He shrugged it off and went out, laughing. Soon, all the animals in the city had been effectively de-virgined. But, the green hero had disappeared for a couple days. No one knew where he was. With a sinking feeling, Raven searched for him. A little ways outside of the city, some buzzards circled their prey. That was were she found Beast Boy, sprawled in a spread eagle.

"Idiot. I told you this would happen." She snapped at the dead animal, her eyes blurring.

Then from the ground: "Shhh, they're getting closer."


End file.
